Bereavement: A Helpful Guide

By Emma Gough, BABCP accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, EMDR Europe trained therapist, qualified mental health social worker

Bereavement is a deeply personal experience, and it can affect people in very different ways. After the death of someone important, you may notice powerful feelings, changes in energy, difficulty concentrating, or moments that feel confusing and hard to explain. For some people, these experiences come in waves. For others, they can feel less predictable.

The NHS explains that grief can happen not only after a death, but also after other major losses such as the end of a relationship, losing a job, losing a home, or when someone close becomes seriously ill. That can make bereavement and loss feel wider and more complex than many people expect.

This guide offers gentle, evidence-based information about this experience, common grief reactions, when extra help may be useful, and where support is available in the UK. If you are looking for therapy, MindKey Therapy supports adults aged 18+ in North Wales, Shropshire, Cheshire and beyond, both online and face to face. This information is for general education only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment.

Understanding bereavement and why it affects everyone differently

Bereavement is described by GOV.UK as a personal experience that can affect people in different ways. That matters, because many people worry that their bereavement should look or feel a certain way. In reality, there is no single pattern that fits everyone.

The NHS guide to grief after bereavement or loss says that most people experience grief when they lose something or someone important to them. It also makes clear that, alongside bereavement after a death, grief can follow other major losses. Examples listed by the NHS include the end of a relationship, losing a job, moving to a new place to live, or when someone close becomes seriously ill.

This can help explain why this experience may stir up many different feelings at once. You might feel sadness and disbelief together. You may have moments of calm followed by distress. You may also find that your reactions shift from one day to the next, or even from one hour to the next.

The NHS is reassuring on this point: there is no right or wrong way to feel. That can be an important message when this experience feels unfamiliar or isolating. Some people want to talk often. Others need more quiet and space. Some feel emotional straight away, while others feel numb before stronger feelings appear later.

Cruse Bereavement Support also provides information to help people understand grief and the grieving process. For many adults, simply recognising that this experience is personal, variable and valid can be a gentle first step.

Common emotional and physical reactions during bereavement

This experience can affect emotions, the body, energy levels and daily routines. The NHS lists a number of common signs and symptoms of grief. These include shock and numbness, which it describes as usually being the first reaction to loss, with some people talking about being “in a daze”.

Other symptoms named by the NHS include overwhelming sadness, often with lots of crying, tiredness or exhaustion, anger, and guilt. Anger may be directed towards the person who has died or the reason for the loss. Guilt may involve thoughts about things said, things left unsaid, or not being able to stop a loved one dying.

These reactions do not always stay the same. The NHS notes that these feelings may not be there all the time, and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly. That can make bereavement feel unsettling. A person may be managing everyday tasks one moment and feel suddenly overwhelmed the next.

The NHS also says it is not always easy to recognise when grief, loss or bereavement are the reason you are acting or feeling differently. This can make the experience feel confusing. Someone might notice irritability, tiredness, difficulty focusing or a sense of disconnection without immediately linking it to their loss.

This experience can therefore feel emotional and physical at the same time. It may affect sleep, appetite, energy, tears, patience and concentration. While each person’s experience is unique, recognising these common reactions can help reduce self-judgement and make it easier to reach for support if needed.

The stages of grief and why bereavement is not a neat process

What the NHS says about stages of grief

The NHS says that people often talk about grief coming in stages. It lists these stages as denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. Denial can involve feelings of shock, disbelief, panic or confusion. Anger may include blaming yourself or blaming others. Depression is described as feeling tired, hopeless or helpless, as if you have lost perspective or feel isolated. Bargaining can bring guilty thoughts such as “If only I had done more”. Acceptance does not mean liking what has happened. The NHS explains that it is about accepting the loss and being ready to move forward.

Why bereavement does not follow a straight line

Even so, this experience is not usually a tidy sequence. The NHS makes clear that you may not experience all of the stages, they may not happen in a particular order, and you may not move smoothly between them. That is an important reminder for anyone who feels worried that their grief does not match a checklist.

For some people, this experience may involve strong sadness first. For others, numbness or anger may feel more obvious. Some people return to certain feelings again and again. Others notice that grief changes shape over time rather than passing through distinct phases.

The NHS also recognises that you might experience other feelings as well as those mentioned in the stages. In other words, the stages can be a framework for understanding bereavement, but they are not rules.

At times, grief can feel chaotic and out of control. This too is reflected in the NHS guidance. It also offers reassurance that these feelings will eventually become less intense over time. That will not mean forgetting the person or pretending the loss did not matter. It means that, for many people, this experience becomes more bearable as time passes, even though difficult moments can still return unexpectedly.

Gentle ways to cope with bereavement day by day

When this experience feels heavy, small steps are often more realistic than trying to feel better quickly. The NHS suggests talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, healthcare professional or counsellor. For some people, saying things out loud can reduce the sense of carrying everything alone.

The NHS also suggests considering peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other. Some people find it comforting to speak with others who understand grief from personal experience. GOV.UK signposts several organisations that offer bereavement help and support, including one-to-one, group, phone and online options.

Regular exercise may also help. The NHS says it can improve your mood and may help you sleep better. It also advises eating a healthy diet with regular meals to keep your energy levels stable. These are not quick fixes, but they can support the body and mind during this experience.

Just as important are the things the NHS advises people not to do. It says not to try to do everything at once, and instead to set small targets that you can easily achieve. It advises not to focus on the things you cannot change, and to put your time and energy into helping yourself feel better.

The NHS also encourages people not to tell themselves that they are alone, reminding readers that most people feel grief after a loss and support is available. It further advises trying not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief, because these can contribute to poor mental health.

In practice, coping with bereavement day by day may mean eating something simple, going for a short walk, replying to one message, or asking someone to sit with you. Gentle, manageable steps can be enough.

When bereavement may need extra support

This experience can be painful and exhausting, and sadness after a loss is natural. The NHS says these feelings should ease gradually with time. However, it also explains that extra support may be needed if you are finding it hard to cope.

According to the NHS, you should see a GP if you are struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or a low mood, if you have had a low mood for more than 2 weeks, if the things you are trying yourself are not helping, or if you would prefer to get a referral from a GP. It also notes that adults in some areas may be able to refer themselves directly to NHS talking therapies services.

The NHS describes prolonged grief disorder, also called complicated grief, as a situation where grief after the death of a loved one lasts many months or years for some people. Symptoms listed include very difficult feelings such as sadness or guilt that do not get any easier as the months go by, spending a lot of time thinking about the person who has died, difficulty accepting the death, not being able to return to everyday activities, and suicidal thoughts.

The NHS says you are more likely to have prolonged grief disorder if the death was traumatic or sudden and unexpected. If someone has symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, the NHS advises seeing a GP.

The NHS also highlights that urgent help is available if you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or emergency, no matter what you are going through. If this experience feels unmanageable, or if safety is a concern, reaching out promptly is important.

Bereavement support and practical help available in the UK

Alongside the emotional impact of this experience, there can be practical demands after someone dies. GOV.UK provides a helpful step-by-step guide covering both support and practical tasks.

The GOV.UK bereavement help and support page says that this experience is personal and can affect people in different ways. It signposts information about understanding and managing grief from organisations including the NHS, Cruse Bereavement Support, the National Bereavement Service and The Good Grief Trust.

It also lists places where you can find someone to speak to about bereavement, including Cruse Bereavement Support for local one-to-one support and group sessions, the Marie Curie helpline for ongoing support over the phone, Sue Ryder’s online bereavement support, and AtaLoss for details of bereavement support services.

For practical tasks, GOV.UK explains that the Tell Us Once service allows you to inform relevant government departments when someone dies. The step-by-step guide also covers registering the death, arranging the funeral, checking whether you can get bereavement benefits, finding bereavement services from your local council, valuing the estate, applying for probate and dealing with the estate.

GOV.UK additionally notes that Citizens Advice has guidance about what happens after a death and things you might need to do, depending on the circumstances. The wider District Provision Tool on bereavement also brings together a large range of national support and signposting services for children and adults.

For broader service context, NICE guidance on end of life care for adults: service delivery includes recommendations on supporting carers and providing information. While not a bereavement self-help guide, it reflects the importance of coordinated support for adults, carers and families.

How MindKey Therapy may support adults living with bereavement-related distress

MindKey Therapy is a psychotherapy practice run by Emma Gough, a BABCP-accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and EMDR Europe trained therapist based in Wrexham, serving North Wales, Shropshire, Cheshire and beyond, both online and face-to-face.

The practice supports adults aged 18+ experiencing trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety or related psychological distress. For some adults, bereavement may sit alongside these experiences, especially where loss is connected with trauma, overwhelming stress, low mood or anxiety.

Emma Gough is a BABCP accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, an EMDR Europe trained therapist, and a qualified mental health social worker. The brand information states that she has over 15 years’ experience in mental health, including local authority, CAMHS, community mental health teams and NHS settings.

MindKey Therapy offers Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Trauma-focused CBT, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) for PTSD, trauma, depression and anxiety. Sessions are held online or face to face at Unit 14, Gwenfro Buildings, Wrexham Technology Park.

MindKey Therapy Ltd is registered with the ICO and holds an enhanced DBS certificate. The company number is 14435797, registered in England and Wales.

If you are living with bereavement-related distress and would like to explore whether therapy may help, you can read more about Emma Gough or get in touch via the MindKey Therapy contact page to discuss your options.

Bereavement FAQ and next steps

Bereavement FAQ

Does grief happen in stages?
The NHS says people often talk about grief coming in stages: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. However, it also says you may not experience all of the stages, they may not happen in a particular order, and you may not move smoothly between them.

Can intense feelings return unexpectedly during bereavement?
Yes. The NHS says that feelings may not be there all the time and powerful feelings may appear unexpectedly. This can be a normal part of bereavement.

When should someone seek extra support?
The NHS advises seeing a GP if you are struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or a low mood, if you have had a low mood for more than 2 weeks, if things you are trying yourself are not helping, or if you would prefer to get a referral from a GP. If you have symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, the NHS also advises seeing a GP.

Where can I find bereavement help in the UK?
GOV.UK signposts support including the NHS, Cruse Bereavement Support, the National Bereavement Service and The Good Grief Trust. It also lists Cruse support, the Marie Curie helpline, Sue Ryder online support and AtaLoss. Cruse also offers information for understanding grief.

Explore Your Next Steps

If you would like to talk through how therapy could help, you are welcome to book a session or get in touch through the MindKey Therapy contact page. MindKey Therapy works with adults in North Wales, Shropshire, Cheshire and beyond, online and face to face in Wrexham.

This article is for general education only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment.